stronger than ever
Tomorrow, it'll have been four weeks since I woke up on my hospital bed with four nice, painful incision wounds on the right side of my body. According to the wise doctors, my lung should have firmly healed onto my chest cavity by now. I can go back to eating anti-inflammatory herbs and nutritional supplements, and I can feel free to test out my lung capacity by doing hard-core exercise again.
Going from full-on gym work and basketball training to just about nil exercise was not an easy adjustment. I've lost about 8kg since it all started, and I miss the jittery buzz of feeling really healthy. Add to that a persistant feeling of things not quite being right, and keeping your head above water level becomes a challenge. The stitches they used to sew me up are still being expelled from my body, and I'm still getting the odd painful twinge in the muscles they cut through. I've been taking care of my wounds with aloe vera every morning, rubbing my damaged muscles with herbal concoctions, learning to hold my body properly through my grandmother's Alexander lessons... but it's hard not to get caught up in thinking that all the work I am doing to get healthy is just returning me to my status quo.
Things aren't all doom and gloom though. I do feel as though I'm getting better all the time, and I've reached the point where I no longer feel hindered by physical discomfort. It won't be long before I am no longer unwell, and I can look forward to once again doing all that I can do to feel physically well.
As trite as it might sound, this has all been extremely "character building" (as my dad would put it). It's easy to logically think that a good sense of physical wellbeing means that there is one less hindrance towards mental wellbeing, and that a lack of physical wellbeing is indeed only a hindrance, not a complete barrier. However, it's very comforting to actually fight through significant discomfort again and confirm that it needn't take hold of me.
Amidst all of this, a good little buddy of mine decided that perhaps a bit of added emotional drama would really help test my character. You knew I'd cope in the end, but I wish you wouldn't take it for granted. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind without erasing the great memories. It's a struggle to let them rise and pass, but it does happen and it's another great comfort to know that I can come out the other end and everything I stand upon is still there, more solid than ever.
I hope my grandma sees the same thing on Monday. Our family will accompany her when she says goodbye to an old friend. She lost her a while ago, after Judy's mind went, but I guess she has complete closure now.
Life is suffering, with great potential for joy and fulfilment. I still wake up every morning and feel amazed.
Going from full-on gym work and basketball training to just about nil exercise was not an easy adjustment. I've lost about 8kg since it all started, and I miss the jittery buzz of feeling really healthy. Add to that a persistant feeling of things not quite being right, and keeping your head above water level becomes a challenge. The stitches they used to sew me up are still being expelled from my body, and I'm still getting the odd painful twinge in the muscles they cut through. I've been taking care of my wounds with aloe vera every morning, rubbing my damaged muscles with herbal concoctions, learning to hold my body properly through my grandmother's Alexander lessons... but it's hard not to get caught up in thinking that all the work I am doing to get healthy is just returning me to my status quo.
Things aren't all doom and gloom though. I do feel as though I'm getting better all the time, and I've reached the point where I no longer feel hindered by physical discomfort. It won't be long before I am no longer unwell, and I can look forward to once again doing all that I can do to feel physically well.
As trite as it might sound, this has all been extremely "character building" (as my dad would put it). It's easy to logically think that a good sense of physical wellbeing means that there is one less hindrance towards mental wellbeing, and that a lack of physical wellbeing is indeed only a hindrance, not a complete barrier. However, it's very comforting to actually fight through significant discomfort again and confirm that it needn't take hold of me.
Amidst all of this, a good little buddy of mine decided that perhaps a bit of added emotional drama would really help test my character. You knew I'd cope in the end, but I wish you wouldn't take it for granted. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind without erasing the great memories. It's a struggle to let them rise and pass, but it does happen and it's another great comfort to know that I can come out the other end and everything I stand upon is still there, more solid than ever.
I hope my grandma sees the same thing on Monday. Our family will accompany her when she says goodbye to an old friend. She lost her a while ago, after Judy's mind went, but I guess she has complete closure now.
Life is suffering, with great potential for joy and fulfilment. I still wake up every morning and feel amazed.
posted by Gene at 7:40 pm
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